Live and Learn

“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards,” said Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard.

From where I sit with an unanticipated lack of understanding at an age at which I thought I’d at least have it somewhat figured out, I whole-heartedly agree. It is tough to see the big picture while in the midst of putting the pieces together, but here’s what I’ve figured out so far:

With age comes hope. And hope comes easily early on. With the passage of time marked by holidays, birthday parties and the beginning of each school year, hope is a daily and regular occurrence that, at the time, seems determined more by luck and the decisions of other people. I hope Santa comes. I hope I don’t have to get braces. I hope someone asks to the prom.

With age comes anticipation. As we get older, it is easier to envision life beyond next week. The hope remains, but we gain the ability to have a hand in our destiny. Childhood daydreams meet up with something inside us that says maybe they can someday be realities. I want to be an astronaut when I grow up. My dream college is Harvard. I can’t wait to live in my own apartment.

With age comes expectations. We finish school. We get a job. We get married. We have kids. We buy a house and a car and a dog. We expect these events to occur during a particular stage in our lives. But this is also where life can throw you for a loop because if these things don’t occur as expected and Harvard denies your application or you can’t find a job with that art history degree, you’ve got to figure out the details of a plan B you hadn’t considered would be necessary.

With age comes surprise. My 17-year-old self would be surprised that I’m now 31, not because I didn’t think I’d make it to this age but because I never really could envision being older than about 21. I’m so surprised by the occasional gray hair that I immediately pluck it out. And though I have not problem being 31, it still sort of surprises me that my 20s are completely behind me. And I’m guessing there are plenty more surprise ahead.

With age comes self-acceptance. We become more comfortable redefining ourselves in the various stages of life based on a foundation of who we naturally are. We learn to identify our strengths and fix, even laugh at, our faults. We don’t feel like everyone is staring at us as we did in junior high school, and we more easily embrace our personal evolution. This is one of the benefits of getting older. We simply become more comfortable in our own skin.

With age comes wisdom. Life makes us smarter but only incrementally. We look at those younger to us and try to explain what’s important and what’s not, knowing all the while that they have to learn it for themselves. We think back with a wistful, If only I knew then what I know now. And then we look ahead and wonder what the secrets are to the next stage in our life. Our only option is to live and learn, and eventually, if Soren Kierkegaard is correct, we’ll be able to look back and see all the pieces fit together in a way that makes sense of it all.